


The Reality of Things

by orphan_account



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Age Regression, Babies, Coming Out, First Time, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Porn, Porn With Plot, jonny is oblivious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 11:27:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10489884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: How dare he bring back Jonny’s feelings for Kaner. He was sure he’d store those away in a place no one would ever find them. Of course, it would be Kaner to find them.In which Patrick regresses and Jonny can't handle itUPDATED!!! THIS IS THE FINISHED VERSION





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for waiting this long for me to finish this damn thing. I hope you enjoy!!  
> It's based on [this](http://allthebros.tumblr.com/post/88412017869/thenorthface-babycaked-111708-baby) Tumblr post.

Jonny got over Patrick a long time ago. He got over Patrick because he had to. There was a time where Jonny could barely handle the bubbly right winger with his blond little ringlets. He could barely handle the way he was so free with his touches, totally cool to piggyback ride on Sharpy or lean his head on Jonny’s shoulder at team dinner. He got over the little crush he had on the little thirteen-year-old boy that walked into the locker room in flip-flops that one day on the Junior Flyers. He got over it. 

He got over it because he had to. First, they were line mates. Then, they were roadie roommates. Then, they were shoved together for any kind of promotion the Hawks wanted to do. It seemed never ending. Any time Patrick was in the room, Jonny’s eyes traveled to him. He pulled Jonny to him all the time. Jonny was helpless to resist. Jonny about lost his mind pinning after Patrick for a year. Seabs helped him get over it and eventually move on. Or at least Jonny thought he’d moved on.

There was still the occasion Patrick did something that was way to Patrick and Jonny couldn’t help but moon over him again. Seabs would always catch Jonny when it happened. Jonny would get this look from across the room. He’d immediately look down at his hands and try to forget how perfect Patrick was being right in front of his face. 

Then, he did what every other gay, closeted hockey player did (because Jonny knew he couldn’t be the only one). He got a girlfriend. It was an accident, really. He was out with the guys after a particularly great win. He was trying desperately to keep from watching Patrick flirt with other girls. Generally, he’s pretty horrible at it. He caught a view of Sharpy, completely wasted and stumbling around by the bar. There was a girl, desperately trying to get him to hold onto something. So Jonny did the chivalrous thing and saved the girl from wasted Sharpy, because no one wants to deal with that. 

“So sorry about my friend,” he says, scooping Sharpy up under the armpit. 

The girl laughs. “No worries. I’m Lindsey.”

“I’m Jonny.” Jonny shakes her hand with her free one.

“Flirt when I’m not around,” Sharpy says, slurring his words a bit.

Both Jonny and Lindsey laugh. “I better get him home.”

Sharpy scoffs and pushes him away, or at least tries to. He ends up stumbling and Jonny has to grab him so he stays on his feet. “Stay and talk. I’ll be fine.”

“I’ve got him, Jonny,” Seabs says, coming up out of nowhere.

“Thanks, man.” He turns to Lindsey. “Can I get you a drink?”

Lindsey nods. “Sure.” They go over to the bar together.

They talk all night, and Jonny gets her number. Four years later, they’re still together. Lindsey still has no idea he’s gay. Jonny hopes to keep it that way for a long time to come. But of course, in true Patrick fashion, he throws everything to shit. 

 

They’re in Boston after a narrow win against the Avs. Jonny decided to stay in, even though Patrick tried to drag him out. But, they had practice that morning and a game the next day. Jonny just isn’t feeling it, despite all Patrick’s whining. (Jonny won’t admit it, but Patrick whining can get him to do pretty much anything even still.) 

Once Patrick is gone, Jonny turns on the Nature Channel and strips so he can through his yoga routine. He calls Lindsey when he’s done, just to see how she is. Even if he’s not in love with her as he says, he still loves her as a friend. She the greatest person he’s ever really connected with. They have a lot of fun together, and Jonny hopes that she’s willing to spend the rest of their lives together. There’s just no way he can come out. He’s been over all the possible outcomes in his head more times than he can count and none are good. 

Patrick comes back late, probably after curfew, and pounds through the hotel room, waking Jonny up in the process. Jonny groans and rolls over, pulling the comforter over his head. It’s a few more minutes before the room is quiet, and Jonny can finally get some sleep. 

 

Patrick is still sleep when Jonny gets up the next morning. It’s not rare, but unusual. Jonny chalks it up to how late Pat was out last night. He takes a shower and combs through his hair before coming back out to get dressed for team breakfast. But low and behold, Patrick, young face, and blond ringlets. Jonny rubs his eyes and stares at Pat. He’s got to be dreaming.

Pat yawns and rubs his own eyes before standing up. “What, Tazer?” he asks. His voice is even a little higher. What the fuck?

“Dude…” Jonny says. 

“Seriously, what man?” Pat looks at him in confusion. “You look like I grew a tumor on my forehead overnight.”

Jonny is at a loss for words. He watches Pat walk by him. He waits for a scream, a shout, something, when Pat walks into the bathroom. Nothing. There’s no reaction to his new appearance. He gets dressed, dazed, as he hears Pat showering. What the hell was that? Was he imagining things?

Patrick comes out, wrapped in a towel, looking like he just turned eighteen. Jonny is going to have a heart attack. Jonny looks away just in time for Patrick to drop his towel. 

“Seriously, man, what’s your deal?” Patrick asks.

Jonny clears his throat, trying to remember how to speak. “N-nothing.”

Pat scoffs. “Come on Tazer.”

It pulls on Jonny’s heart strings. He hasn’t called him “Tazer” since Sharpy got traded. Wait, does that mean Sharpy is back? What the hell is going on? “Really, it’s nothing.” 

Patrick eyes him for a second, like he knows Jonny is lying. “Fine, let’s go get breakfast.” Jonny blinks as Patrick flies out the door. It doesn’t take long to follow, but Patrick is waving slyly from the elevator where the does are closing. 

“Kaner!” Jonny screeches. Patrick just giggles as the doors finally slide shut. Jonny groans in frustration. That is just like Kaner. Like Kaner not Pat. In Jonny’s mind they’re different. They have to be different for his sanity. 

“Patrick get to the elevator before you?” Seabs laughs.

Jonny nods.

Seabs smiles at him. “Just like old times, eh?”

Jonny rolls his eyes. “Sure.”

“Come one, let’s take the stairs.” Seabs steers him away from the elevator and down the stairwell. It does feel like the old times. This used to happen on a daily basis when they were on roadies. It was one of Jonny least favorite game Kaner liked to play.

When they get down to breakfast, Kaner is in a booth pressed against Artemi Panarin. They’re talking in their mixed Russian-English fashion. It makes Jonny stop cold. No one else on the team seems to notice Patrick’s regression. Sharpy isn’t back, nor is Shawzy. It’s just like normal. Except Kaner is eighteen. The worst part is, Kaner looks even younger than Artemi, which Jonny can’t dwell on. He just can’t. 

Seabs gives Jonny a look and he sits down next to him, unfortunately across from Kaner. 

“Taze, tell Temi he’s wrong!” Kaner demands. 

“No! Tell Pat he’s wrong,” Temi refutes. 

Jonny groans and puts his head in his hands. “I don’t even know what you’re fighting about.”

Seabs cackles next to. It’s seriously too much like old times. Artemi and Kaner go on arguing just like Kaner would with Sharpy. Seabs has to elbow Jonny everyone once and a while throughout breakfast. Jonny finds himself staring way too much. His curls are just the way they were before. His face is baby smooth, and so, so young. It shows none of the experience they’ve gained together. It shows none of the Cups, none the awards, none of the years spent together. In a way, it makes Jonny mad. How dare he take all that away. How dare he be as if none of it ever happened. On top of that, how dare he bring back Jonny’s feelings for Kaner. He was sure he’d store those away in a place no one would ever find them. Of course, it would be Kaner to find them. He would always be the only person who could ever find them, Jonny’s sure.

Jonny makes it through breakfast in a daze. He only really registers Kaner’s young voice. He follows Kaner back to their room. Nothing is making sense. No one seems either to noticed or bothered by the fact that Kaner is eighteen again. Like, that just doesn’t make any kind of sense. 

They get ready for morning skate together, not that Jonny looks or anything. He forces himself not to. Patrick seems confused. He keeps looking at Jonny, like there’s something wrong with him rather than the other way around. He doesn’t race Jonny to the elevator, which Jonny is thankful for. But, instead of sitting with Artemi like he generally does, he plops down in the seat next to Jonny. 

Jonny makes a face and Pat just smiles. Artemi look a little hurt, peeking over the seat to stare at Kaner. Kaner gives him an apologetic look then looks back at his phone. Artemi huffs, then sits back down. At least, that is confusing to his other teammates. Jonny was worried everything was going to go unnoticed. 

Patrick sticks by Jonny when the get to the Garden. Artemi follows behind them like a new puppy. Kaner doesn’t seem to notice how put out is line mate is about being ignored. 

“Finally get sick of your rookie?” Crow chirps when they get in the locker room.

Patrick shakes his head and puts an arm around Artemi’s shoulders. “No, Jonny’s just needed some more Kaner time recently.”

The team chuckles. Jonny blushes. Seabs gives an interesting look. It just makes Jonny blush more to the point where he has to hide his face in his hands. 

The rest of the morning goes by quickly. Kaner is a little more handsy on the ice than he’s been in the more recent years. It’s a lot like the young Kaner, like he appears to be. He’s still as good as he generally is. Nothing’s changed there.

It just makes Jonny matter. How come he gets to be so good and still like a fucking child. Why is it him? Why is it torturing him this way? It shouldn’t be. These feelings should be locked up in a box. They’re not. Of course. Kaner pulled them out, practically for everyone to see. It makes Jonny angry. Everyone on the ice can tell, too. He shots harder. He hits harder. He doesn’t laugh as easily.

Eventually, Kaner skates up from behind him and puts his arms around Jonny’s neck. “Loosen up a little, captain,” Kaner says into his neck.

Jonny has to forcibly stop himself from shivering. He can feel Kaner’s breath against his skin.

“Seriously, you’re taking this too serious, Captain Serious.”

That’s the last straw. Jonny gets his arms behind him to swing Kaner out in front of him. Then, he drops the gloves so he can his fingers into Kaner’s sides. 

Kaner’s eyes widen in surprise just before he breaks out in forced laughter as Jonny tickles him. The whole rink is staring, but Jonny doesn’t care. He needs to get his anger out without killing someone and this is the best way he knows how.

“Jonny! Jonny, stop!” Kaner screams between laughs. 

Jonny compiles. Kaner goes limp on the ice, trying to catch his breath.

“Feel better?” Kaner asks, looking up.

Jonny smiles and nods, because yeah, he is feeling better. Kaner’s cheeks are pink with exhaustion and it tweaks Jonny’s heart in a way it shouldn’t.

“You done boys?” Q asks skating over.

“Yeah, coach, sorry ‘bout him,” Kaner says getting to his feet.

Jonny smacks him on the back of his head and collects his gloves. “Sorry coach.”

“Well, let’s get back to it, then.” He blows his whistle and everyone gets back to work. Jonny looks over and Kaner, and Kaner is smiling his brightest smile, like he knew exactly what Jonny was going to do. Even yet, he looked like he got Jonny to do exactly what he wanted. It makes Jonny want to sock in the face and kiss him at the same time.

That’s something he needs to tap down and fast. This is going to be a real problem. 

They seem to play well enough, even this Kaner being how he is, and Jonny’s confusing feelings. It’s affects their play a little though. Only Hossa manages to net one in the third. But, they win and shut out the Bruins in the process so overall it’s a good night. 

They fly home that night. Kaner sits down next to Jonny. Again, Artemi looks upset to see his favorite person sit next to someone else. It isn’t long, though, before Kaner is sleeping on Jonny’s shoulder. As much as Jonny’s is confused and angry about the whole ordeal, he supposes he can enjoy it just for a little in the dark of the plane. He lets himself tangle his fingers in Kaner’s curls before falling asleep himself. 

 

The next week is a home stand. They win the first game which is really nice. But, it goes downhill from there. Kaner keeps coming over to play video games and getting in Jonny’s space. Whenever Jonny’s at home, not at the rink, not out to eat, nothing, just home, something feels off. He can’t quite put his finger on it though. He chalks it up to Kaner doing his thing. It’s just, he doesn’t feel like that at the rink. Kaner still looks eighteen. He does that both at Jonny’s at the rink. He’s still much more touchy, both at the rink and at Jonny’s. Nothing should feel different at home, but it does. 

Although the team doesn’t notice a difference in Kaner’s appearance, they do notice a difference in his personality. Artemi seems to like this side of Kaner. He hangs on Kaner as much as Kaner hangs on him. It’s honestly like having two of Artemi. Jonny didn’t realize how similar they were until he suddenly had two of them to deal with again. He smiles at all the shenanigans, even though he probably shouldn’t. Patrick always catches him smiling and seems to take it as permission to continue. 

Seabs definitely notices. He is almost constantly giving Jonny a look that Jonny can never decipher. But, he does know he doesn’t like it. 

 

They’re at morning skate before their game against Winnipeg. Nothing’s unusual. (This does not include Kaner because he’s still eighteen.) Jonny’s messing around with Kaner on the ice. It starts by him chirping Kaner’s Russian. He’s talking to Artemi, when Jonny skates over. Patrick says something, pointedly looking at Jonny when he says it and Temi laughs. Jonny says something about Kaner’s crappy Russian (he doesn’t even remember what he said) and Kaner is on top of them. They drop the gloves and fake fight for a while, until they’re wrapped up in each other. Kaner is smushed against Jonny’s chest, and suddenly Jonny can’t breathe. Patrick’s curls that stick out from under his helmet are plastered together with sweat. His face is rosy pink from the cold of the rink and the work out. Even through the pads, Jonny can feel Patrick’s strong body. His head is swirling, mixing up Patrick and Kaner. In this moment, they are no longer two different people. They are one singular that Jonny fell in love with a long time ago. And, in this moment, he knows, unfortunately, that he still is in love with him, no matter how hard he’s tried to shove those feelings away. 

He shoves Kaner away and grumbles about this or that and skates away. It hurts a little bit to do it, but he knows he has to. Seabs is watching from across the rink with that confusing expression. Jonny just looks down and skates off. 

 

Seabs finds him in the locker room, stripping his gear for the day. “Hey, captain,” he says sitting down beside Jonny.

“What is it, Seabs?” he asks sadly. It’s really starting to hit him how fucked he is.

“Just wanted to see how you were doing and to see if you wanted to get lunch.”

“Before a game?” Jonny asks skeptically. Everyone has their pregame ritual. As far as Jonny knows, going out for lunch is not one of Seabs. 

“Just this once. It looks like you need it.” He puts a hand on Jonny’s shoulder, solid and unmoving.

Jonny sighs. “Fine, but a good place.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Seabs whines. “It has to be one of your health freak places.”

It pulls a little smile out of Jonny. Seabs leaves him alone to finish changing and showering. Jonny’s just pulling on his sweatshirt as Kaner and Artemi walking in, speaking their mix of Russian and English that Jonny has become used to over the years of playing with the two of them. This time, it hits him a little in the heart. He turns away quickly and follows Seabs to his car. 

The ride to the diner is quiet. Seabs doesn’t push, just looks over at Jonny on the occasional red light. 

“So, you wanna tell me what’s going on?” Seabs asks as soon as they are sat.

Jonny sighs. “Want to jump right in, huh?” Jonny tries to smile, to joke, but the look on Seabs face says he’s not down. Jonny’s shoulders slump and leans back in the chair. “It’s Kaner.”

“That obvious.”

Jonny sighs again. “I just…” Another sigh. “Do you remember what I told you my second year?”

Seabs nods, knowing exactly what he’s referring too.

“Well, I was trying to… well you know… hide it.”

Seabs nods. “Your girlfriend is enough proof of that.”

“A lot of it, had to do with Kaner. His dumb face and his dumb curls and his dumb flipflops (Jonny makes himself stop there because he knows he could keep going), they’re just too much. I kinda fell head over heels for him.”

Seabs smiles softly. “I know.”

“You know?” Jonny exclaims.

“Well, the way you look at him, Jonny, even before recently, is pretty telling.”

Jonny blushes and looks down. “How long have you known?” he asks the table.

“Oh, I don’t know. A long time, Jonny.”

“Does anyone else know?” 

Seabs shakes his head. “Not that I know of. I mean, people talk, speculate, but then make a joke and move on.”

Jonny nods. “Well, I tried to push those feelings away, cover it up. And, now, well, for some reason, I’m feeling them again.”

“Sometimes, it takes remembering why you hid away those questions to really find the answers you’re really looking for,” Seabs says.

Jonny doesn’t know exactly what he means by that. But, the rest of meal goes well. They don’t talk about Kaner or hockey. Seabs tells Jonny about his kids. Jonny can’t help but smile. He loves listening to his teammates telling him about their kids. 

The game is good. Jonny’s not completely in it, but Kaner sure is. He scores twice and has an assist on Artemi’s goal. 

They head out of a road game in San Jose before the All Star games. 

Jonny thinks about what Seabs said at lunch all night. He thinks about it all the back to the hotel, and while he gets ready for bed. He tries not to think about Patrick next to him as he falls asleep. He fails and dreams about golden curls and young laughter. 

He wakes up the next morning, feeling a little more confident about the day. What Seabs says still doesn’t make sense, but for some reason, it makes Jonny hopeful. It’s not until he’s in the bathroom, does he realize he woke up in a different hotel than he fell asleep in. That’s not normal. Where the fuck is he? And how did he get here? He races back into the hotel room. Something about it seems familiar, but it is a hotel. He’s seen so many. 

Patrick rolls over in the bed next to him. It knocks the blanket away from his face. He’s old again. (Well, not really old, but older.) The suit in the closet is a different suit than he brought on this trip. He goes to his bedside and checks his phone. The date is three weeks in the past. “What the fuck?” he mutters. Wait, two weeks ago was when this whole fiasco started. Did he dream the whole goddamn thing? There’s no fucking way. 

Patrick starts to wake up, and it stalls Jonny. He watches, aware of the small details in a way he had trained himself to forget over the years. While Patrick is older, he still looks so young, so sweet when he’s asleep. Jonny can see the similarities in how Patrick gets up now. His hand slowly comes across his face as he yawns. He leans into his hand a little, still not awake. His shoulders shift in the same way. It makes Jonny gasp in awe. It’s like little Kaner never left.

He shakes himself out of it and is in the bathroom before Patrick fully wakes up. Patrick doesn’t say anything, like most morning the past few weeks. (Well, maybe those weeks never happened.) But, it’s also like Jonny’s whole roadie experience with Kaner, from their first trip as rookies. And while, Patrick doesn’t race him to the elevator, he notices that Patrick makes a point of being the one to push the buttons. He gets a little smirk on his face when he does it, like he’s remembering when they did race for the elevators. 

When they get downstairs, Jonny realizes, that yes, they are in fact still in Boston. Patrick crams in next Artemi and starts arguing about something immediately. It makes Jonny smiles as he slides in the booth next to Seabs.

“What got you in such a good mood?” he asks.

Jonny shrugs. “Just feels like a good day is all.”

Patrick cocks his head, turning his attention to Jonny. “Haven’t seen you this happy in a while, Jon.” 

Jonny swallows, because that’s still the old Patrick through and through. Jonny shrugs. “I can’t be happy?”

Artemi shakes his head. “Always so serious.” He says it in a funny, joking tone, exaggerating the expression on his face. 

“I can’t not be serious for a change? Jeez, Temi,” Jonny jokes. 

Temi giggles, but Patrick gives him a weird look. Jonny just smiles. It’s different than the past few years, but it feels more right, better, and so much freer. 

 

Morning skate is good. Jonny gets in Patrick’s space. He jokes around with Temi and some of the other guys. It feels good, really, really good.

“Wow, Jon. Never thought I’d see this side of you again,” Patrick says as they’re changing out of their gear.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Patrick rolls his eyes. “Come on, Jon. You know exactly what I mean.”

Jonny shakes his head. “No man, I don’t.”

Patrick sighs. “Whatever. It’s nice to see again.”

Jonny is left confused as Patrick goes off to shower. 

That night, is a decent night. They win. They shut out Boston. But, there’s only one goal. 

Patrick sits next to Jonny on the flight home instead of Temi. They don’t say anything, and Patrick falls asleep in the first ten minutes, but it says something to Jonny. Jonny’s not quite sure what it actually says yet, but he knows there’s something there. 

He’s about halfway back to his house when it hits him. Jonny is okay with being gay again. He has to pull over before he hits something. He parks in a gas station parking lot, almost hyperventilating. He’s gay. He’s known that for a long time. But, he never thought he’d tell anyone. He never thought he’d truly love someone. Well, shit. He loves Pat. Fuck. “I love Pat.” He has to say it out loud. It makes it more real, yes, but he can’t not say it. Fuck. Lindsey is waiting at home. That’s what was really off about the dream, he thinks. Lindsey wasn’t ever there. And now, she’s waiting at home, thinking he’s coming home, fully and completely devoted to her. She has no idea that Jonny’s never felt anything for her other than companionable friendship. Shit, fuck, shit. He wants to drive to Seabs, cry on his shoulder. But, he can’t do that. Seabs is just getting home too. He probably just wants to see his wife and kids. That’s what Jonny should want to. He should want to go home and see Lindsey, but he fucking can’t. So, he sobs in his car in a shitty gas station parking lot.

He finally pulls away and just drives. He drives all around town. His phone is dead, so it’s not like he’s even bothered by all the calls he’s probably receiving. He finally stops at a view point over the lake. It’s dark out and the stars, those that are visible anyway, shine out. He reclines his seat and stares out of the sunroof. 

He’s startled by a knock on his window. Looking out, he’s sees Patrick’s hesitant face at his passenger window. He unlocks the car with a confused expression on his face. 

“What’s up?” he asks when Patrick climbs in.

“I should be asking you that dude. Lindsey is worried sick about you. The guys have been searching the whole city for you.”

Jonny laughs. “Of course you knew where to find me.”

Patrick cracks a little bit of a smile. “Yeah. But, man, everyone’s worried. You haven’t picked up your phone. You go MIA for several hours. What’s up? Is everything okay?”

Jonny takes a deep breath. “Pat… I… I’m dealing with a lot right now. Sometimes, I feel like I’m being pressured from so many sides. It’s like everyone’s trying to form me into their own person. Like middle school all over again, and I don’t know what to do.”

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” Pat asks, hesitantly putting a hand on Jonny’s arm. It reminds Jonny of when they were rookies. They both were nervous about the big leagues, so they ended up comforting each other like this more often than not. 

Jonny shakes his head. “That’s just it. Most of this, I can’t talk to anyone about. It’s like I’m blowing up from the inside, Pat.”

“Is… is this about what I said earlier?” Pat asks. 

Jonny shakes his head. “It’s so much more than that.”

Pat swallows. “I feel like we haven’t really talked in forever.”

Jonny smiles sadly. “Yeah, we’ve grown apart so much.

“Did you know I broke up with Amanda?”

Jonny does a full double take? Did he hear right?

Patrick chuckles. “I figured I hadn’t told you.”

“That’s crazy, Pat. Why’d you break up with her?”

Patrick looks exasperated. It’s an expression he’s directed Jonny’s way a lot over the years. “I wasn’t into her anymore.”

Jonny nods, thoughtfully. He’s about to do the same thing with Lindsey, for about the same reason. He knows he’s gonna hate himself for it later. 

“How you doing, pal?” Pat asks.

Jonny sighs. “I’m okay. Can you tell Lindsey you found me, and I’m heading home? My phones dead,” Jonny says with a sheepish expression on his face.

Pat smiles. “Of course man. We should hang out tomorrow, no practice and all.”

Jonny nods. “Yeah, that’d be good man. Like old times.”

Pat nods. “Like old times.” He waves as he steps out of the car. Jonny waits until he’s clear to back-up and drive away.

Lindsey is waiting by the door when he gets home. She’s crying, and even though Jonny doesn’t have any romantic feelings for her, he still hates making her feel like this. It tugs on his heart knowing he has to make her cry again. He can’t do it now, not while she’s balling in his arms. 

He leads her gently to the bedroom. She refuses to lie down in bed until he’s next to her, so he goes through his routine and settles into bed with her. He curls into his chest and sleeps soundly. 

Jonny on the other hand, does not. He doesn’t toss and turn, because he doesn’t want to disturb Lindsey, but he doesn’t sleep. He thinks about breaking the news to Lindsey. She’s going to be so heartbroken. But, he also thinks about the team. He thinks he wants to tell the team. Maybe he should ask Seabs. He’d have to go to Seabs before he and Pat hang out. That’s not something he’s missing, especially if he’s breaking up with Lindsey tomorrow. 

 

Lindsey is smiling down at him when he wakes up. “Good morning, sunshine.”

Jonny groans. “What time is it?”

“Earlier than you generally like.” She kisses him before she rolls over. “I’ll make the coffee.”

Jonny groans and sits up. Today’s the day. It’s about to dissolve into chaos. He gets into some sweats and follows Lindsey into the kitchen.

“What do you want for breakfast? I was thinking omelets.” 

Jonny puts a hand on Lindsey’s shoulder. “We need to talk.” She turns to him, confused. He motions towards the living room. 

She sits next to him on the couch. “What is it? Jonny, what’s up?”

Jonny takes a deep breath. “I’m about to tell you something I’ve never told anyone, but I’m tired of living a lie, Lindsey.”

Her expression gets more concerned. “Jonny.” She puts a hand on his knee.

He swallows. “Lindsey, I’m gay.”

“What?” She smiling, but also still really confused. “Come on, Jonny. What is this really about?”

“No, Lindsey.” Jonny adjusts himself on the couch so he’s facing her. “I’m gay. I’ve known that I’m gay since juniors. I’m sorry. I was just never okay with it. Being gay, in hockey, in the NHL, it’s just not something that’s done. When I met you, I was scared. I was in love with someone and scared everyone was going to find out. So, I took you out. I figured I’d date you for a while to get over this guy I liked way too much, then break up with you. But, I liked you, as a really good friend. I figured I’d make it work. You obviously liked me a lot. There was no reason for me to come out of the closet with you by my side.”

Lindsey takes a deep breath to settle herself. “So, what does this mean, by you telling me?”

“It means I’ve come to terms with who I am. I’m getting ready to come out to the team. That means…”

“That means we can’t be together anymore,” Lindsey finishes.

Jonny nods, solemnly. He can see her getting ready to break down. She’s trying to hold it together. “Lindsey, I’m sorry. I didn’t ever want to hurt you.”

She nods, the tears finally spilling over. 

He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know if he can pull her into a hug and comfort her. He doesn’t know how he can help. He’s never felt more helpless in his life. 

“I can… I can leave, if you want,” Jonny stammers.

Lindsey shakes her head, laughing a little. She wipes at the tears on her cheeks. “It’s your place, Jonny. It’s your money. I’ll be fine. I’ve got plenty of friends I can stay with until I get a place of my own.”

“Are you sure? You can stay here. I can go with one of the guys.”

Lindsey shakes her head. “Jonny. I don’t want you to worry about anything. I’m so proud of you. You’re doing something that a lot of people would consider impossible. I’m happy for you, and I hope whoever you’re truly in love with, loves you too.”

Jonny blinks, because that’s not what he was expecting at all. She stands and goes back to the kitchen. “I’ll be packed and gone around three. Is that cool? I need to call around and find a place. Is it cool if I leave some of the furniture here until I find a place?”

Jonny doesn’t know what to do. She’s taking it in stride. It’s almost like she knew. Except, there was some crying, so Jonny knows she didn’t, but still. It’s weird. 

“Uh, take your time. I was going to go see Seabs and Kaner today.”

“Kaner?” Lindsey laughs. “I haven’t heard you call him that in forever.”

Jonny chuckles. “Yeah. Things have changed a little.”

Lindsey smiles at him. “I see that. Now, what do you want in your omelet?”

Jonny shrugs. “You know what I like better than I do.”

Lindsey laughs. “What are you gonna do without me, Jon?”

“Go back to what I did before, I guess,” he sighs. He goes to change. He calls Seabs after.

“What’s up man?”

“Can I come over? I kinda have something to tell you.”

“Well, I’d expect so after last night.”

“So, be over in like an hour?”

“Sounds good. I can have the kids ready for company by then.”

“Alright, see ya man.”

Back out in the kitchen, Lindsey has an omelet waiting for him on the counter, with a smoothie, that by the looks of it, has kale in it. “I don’t deserve you,” Jonny says, pulling his plate over to the breakfast bar and sitting next to her.

She smiles softly at him. “Jonny, you deserve so much more. You deserve someone who loves you, someone you can love in whole back. I’m not that person. I wish I were, but that’s just not in the cards. Honestly, I should’ve seen it years ago.”

Now, it’s Jonny’s turn to be surprised. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve been in love with Patrick long before you met me,” Lindsey deadpans. “Don’t even try and deny it Jonathan.”

Jonny looks down at his food, because he can’t deny it. It’s true. He’s been in love with Patrick for way longer than he ever wants to admit to anyone. 

“Jon, I wouldn’t worry about it. I’ve always kind of wondered about his sexuality, but along came Amanda, and I didn’t have many more questions.”

 

At that, something goes off in Jonny’s brain. Last night, Patrick had mentioned he broke up with Amanda. Why did he do that? What did he say? Something about not being into her? How could he not be into his girlfriend of two years? Shit, holy fucking shit. He needs to get to Seabs, like immediately. 

“Jon! Where are you going?”

“I’m sorry, Lindsey. I have to go!” He grabs his keys as he rushes out the door. He’s speeding down his street trying his best to get to Seabs as fast as possible. He knows he’s not supposed to be there for another half hour, but he’s literally about to lose his shit.

He rings the doorbell. He can hear the chaos in the background. It takes a minute for anyone to come to the door. When someone finally does, it’s Carter, wearing only a pair of pull ups. “Hi, Uncle Jonny,” he says just as Seabs scoops him up.

“Hey little man! What did I say about opening the door with Mommy or Daddy around?”

Carter squints at Seabs in his best impersonation of a glare.

“Jonny, I didn’t think you’d be here yet.”

Jonny coughs nervously. “Well, something that wasn’t a crisis turned into a crisis.”

Seabs sighs. “You can come in. I just have to get the kids dressed and set up with something to do. Dayna wanted to go to a yoga class this morning that she hasn’t been to in a couple of weeks while we’ve been on the road.”

Jonny follows him into the Seabrook household. It’s a mess of children’s toys and small hockey gear and food and clothes. Jonny giggles a little at the sight, unable to help himself. Kenzie is crying on the couch. Jonny can see the stress in Seabs face, so he swoops in to comfort little Kenzie. He smiles at her and picks her up. Her crying stops, but she becomes confused. 

 

“Hi Kenzie. We’re gonna go get you dressed. How’s that sound?” Kenzie just looks at him for a second. Jonny boops her on the nose and goes to her bedroom. He’s been in Seabs house enough to know where it is. Her room is painted in purples and pinks. Her crib itself is purple. Dayna may have gone a little overboard with the decorations. 

Jonny sets Kenzie down by the closet. “What do you want to wear today, Kenzie?” The small girl crawls over to the closet and pulls herself up by the open door. She points to a dress that Jonny can only describe as floofy. Jonny takes it out and gets her onto the changing table. It’s fairly obvious Seabs already did that dirty business, so all Jonny has to do is slide the dress onto her and get her arms through the sleeves. 

He has her sit so he can braid her hair. (The few times he has hung out with the Kane girls, they gave him a few lessons in hair braiding.) “You look so beautiful,” he tells her when he’s done. 

She giggles at him. He lifts her onto his hip and takes her back out into the main room. It looks like Seabs has finally got Carter dressed. But, now, it looks like he’s refusing to eat his breakfast.

“Oh, wow. Thanks Jonny.” Seabs says when he looks up. Jonny slips Kenzie into her high chair. 

“You gonna eat some food, buddy?” Jonny asks, ruffling Carter’s hair. Carter suddenly looks stricken. It’s like he wants to eat because Uncle Jonny is here, but he was just fighting with his dad about it and he doesn’t want his dad to win. 

“So, what is this crisis, Jonny?” Seabs asks, moving to the counter to get a plate of food. Out of the corner of Jonny’s eye, he can see Carter start to eat. 

“Well, I was thinking of coming out to the team.”

Seabs stops mid-cut of a cheese stick. “You what?”

“I want to come out to the team. I think it’s time.”

“What about Lindsey?” he asks, starting to cut again.

“I told her this morning.”

Seabs looks up at him with a perplexed look on his face. “How’d she take it?”

“Better than expected,” Jonny sighs. He leans against the counter. “She’s actually happy for me.”

“Well, that’s good, I guess.” He arranges the food on Kenzie’s plate and takes it in along with the Frozen themed silverware and Frozen sippy cup with milk. “Why now, Jon?”

Jonny shrugged. “Had a dream, I guess.”

“A dream?” Seabs asks.

Jonny just shrugs noncommittally. He doesn’t really want to admit what took place in that dream.

“So why is this a crisis?”

“While Lindsey was talking to me, it reminded me of something Patrick said last night.”

“So it was Patrick that found you?”

Jonny nodded. 

“What did he say?”

“We were talking about how we haven’t really hung out in a while. So, he told me he broke up with Amanda.”

Seabs nods.

“This isn’t news to you?” Jonny exclaims.

Seabs shakes his head. “It happened like a month ago, Jon.”

“How did I not know this?”

Seabs shrugs. “Anyway.”

“Anyway. He… he was… well…” Jonny doesn’t know how to word this without sounding like an obsessed teenage girl. 

“You think he broke up with her because of you?” Seabs suggests.

Jonny blushes.

Seabs chuckles. “You two have been love struck teenage girls for years.” He turns to check on his kids. “But, honestly, Jon, I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“You sure?”

Seabs nods. “I knew you guys were oblivious, but not that oblivious.”

Jonny glares at Seabs. It’s not a comeback by any means. 

“So, are you going to go declare your undying love for Pat today?” Seabs asks.

Jonny shakes his head, turning away and crossing his arms. “No, we were just gonna hang out. I don’t… I don’t wanna tell him until I tell the rest of the team.”

 

Seabs nods, setting Kenzie’s plate in front of her. He sits down next to her, to make sure she doesn’t end up throwing meat around the room. “But, you are gonna tell him about your feelings?”

Jonny swallows. “I… I don’t know, Seabs. I’m… I’m…”

“You’re scared?” Seabs suggests. 

Jonny nods, rubbing the sides of his arms. 

“Well, I’m not going to tell you what to do, Jon. You’re an adult who can decide what is best for yourself. But, I will say, you guys haven’t said anything to each other for this long. Look where it’s gotten you.”

Jonny nods at Seabs. “I guess… I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Seabs nods, paying more attention to Kenzie shoving cheese in her mouth.

Jonny walks towards the door, even more unsure of things than he was before. 

“You’re not going to stay?” Carter asks, slipping out of his chair and running to Jonny.

Jonny shakes his head and picks Carter up. “Nah, buddy. I have to go eat my own breakfast.”

“You can eat breakfast here!” he insists as Jonny sets him down. 

“Well, Lindsey made me breakfast at home. I think it would be rude if I didn’t go eat it, don’t you?”

Carter’s shoulders sag, but he nods.

Jonny ruffles his hair. “I’ll see you later, buddy.”

“Good luck,” Seabs says on Jonny’s way out.

 

Lindsey is at home, cleaning dishes. 

“So?” she asks.

Jonny sighs. “I don’t know if I even accomplishes anything by going over there.”

Lindsey smiles softly at him. “I’m sure you did. You just don’t know it yet.”

Jonny sighs.

“I put your breakfast in the fridge. You can heat it up in the microwave.” She caresses Jonny’s cheek and kisses his forehead. “I’m going to start packing.”

Jonny nods numbly. Everything is changing so quickly. Lindsey is no longer his girlfriend, and by the end of the day she won’t even live in the same building as him anymore. He’s completely okay with his sexuality and he’s telling the team at practice tomorrow. Which, shit, means he needs to call his agent. He knows he’s in love with Pat, which is something he doesn’t know what to do with right now. On top of that, he’s pretty sure he’s going to sell this house, even though he and Lindsey just moved like three months ago. It’s now too much space for just him. 

He starts simple and uncovers his food to put in the microwave. He grabs his smoothie, which Lindsey left the straw in. (He really doesn’t know what he’s going to do without her.) He eats slowly, trying to put off this terrible conversation he’s going to have with Brisson in a minute. 

It’s not until he’s finished his breakfast and smoothie and washed both dishes and put them away before he actually calls Brisson. He sits on the couch and listens to the phone ring. Brisson picks up on the third ring, like he always does. “Hey, Jon what’s up.”

Jonny swallows before working out the words. “I’m coming out to the team.”

“I’m sorry Jonny,” Brisson says calmly. “I didn’t quite get that. Take a deep breath and slow down, bud.”

Jonny takes a shuttering breath. “I’m going to come out to the team tomorrow, Brisson.”

“Like, out of the closet, Jonny?”

Jonny nods before he realized Brisson can’t see him. “Yeah… I… I’m ready.”

“What about Lindsey?” That seems to be the question of the morning.

“I told her. She… she took it better than expected.” Jonny glances down the hallway where Lindsey is slowly packing clothes into suitcases. 

“Okay,” Brisson says slowly. “Does it have to be tomorrow, or can it wait a day or so? You should have a meeting with management before the big announcement, Jon.”

“No, it has to be tomorrow. I’m cool with a meeting late tonight, or whenever you can set it up. I just, I just can’t live in the closet anymore, Brisson.”

“Okay. So this is important. I see that. Is this something that’s going to go public anytime soon?” Brisson asks.

“Probably not. I don’t really want to go public yet, but I want my team to know.”

“Okay, I think I understand. Are you keeping Lindsey around for public cover?”

Jonny hadn’t thought of that, but, “No, I couldn’t do that to her.”

“Okay. I think I’ve got everything, unless there’s anything else you need me to know.”

“I’m selling the house.”

“Okay, bud. We’ll figure that all out later. Right now, let’s focus on tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay, Brisson.”

“Take a breath, Jonny. It’s going to be okay. Your team will support you like it always has. Don’t worry about that, okay. I’m sure management will be on board with it. You know they’ll protect you. It’s, also, not like they can do anything else, with your contract.” Brisson chuckles a little.

Jonny chuckles with him. He’s right about that. 

“Alright. I’ll call you when I’ve set a meeting with management for you.”

“Thanks, Brisson.”

“Of course, Jonny.”

When he hangs up, he has a text on his phone from Pat inviting him over for lunch and video games. He responds that he’ll be there. Something as small as that has shim smiling from ear to ear. 

“You really need to tell Pat how you feel.”

Jonny looks up to see Lindsey leaning against the wall. “I… I don’t know.”

“Okay,” Lindsey sighs, putting up her hands in defense. “I just think it’s dumb to watch the two of you skate circles around each other, looking at each other with the same dumb, love struck expression.”

“Okay, how is it you know so much about this? You literally just found out I’m gay,” Jonny says. He’s being seriously offended by both Seabs and Lindsey today. He doesn’t know if he’ll be able to take it from Pat too, even if it is about video games. 

Lindsey laughs. “Well, it’s obvious now, Jonny. You don’t need a detective to figure it out.”

Jonny rolls his eyes, and Lindsey goes back to packing. Jonny hangs out around the house for as long as he feels he can stand it. He yells out to Lindsey as he leaves to go to Pat’s. Pat still lives in the apartment in Trump Tower that he’s lived in since he moved out of the Bowman’s place. The place, Jonny still has a key to that hangs along with all his own. 

He knocks before he unlocks the door and let’s himself in. He assaulted with the smell of pizza. It’s pizza from a place that does gluten free crusts, judging by the name on the boxes Jonny sees after he toes off his shoes. 

“Hey, Jon!” Patrick exclaims. 

Jonny smiles at the look of pure happiness on Pat’s face. “Hey.” 

“You ready to get your ass whooped?” Pat asks, grabbing a piece of pizza and eating it without a plate.

Jonny rolls his eyes. “Like you could beat me.”

Pat scoffs. “You know I can.” He bumps shoulders with Jonny. It makes things feel weird in Jonny’s stomach. He doesn’t know what to do with that. He just grabs a piece of pizza he knows Pat got just for him (which also does thing to his stomach) and takes a bite. 

“You got beer?” Jonny asks.

Pat gives him a look like he stupid. “I haven’t changed that much, buddy.”

 

Jonny chuckles. Pat goes to sit down. Jonny grabs two beer cans from the fridge, right where they were last time Jonny was over. (Jonny doesn’t want to think about how long ago that actually was.) He drops down next to Pat and hands in a can. Pat smiles at him before he tosses it back. 

“You ready?” Pat asks, putting the beer can down. 

Jonny finishes eating his pizza and nods. He picks up a controller as Pat gets the game up on the TV. This feels so normal, so natural. Jonny doesn’t know what to think. He’s having trouble thinking anything with Patrick pressed this close to him. 

He goes through the motions of playing at first, and as expected Patrick thumps him. 

“Dude, did you not play video games for the past four years? I can’t believe you let me beat you that bad.”

“Rematch,” Jonny says automatically. 

Pat rolls his eyes, but resets the game. 

Jonny pays more attention this time and comes in second behind Pat.

Pat laughs. “That’s better. If I knew any better, I’d think you we’re trying to let me win.”

Jonny scoffs. “Like I’d ever do that for you.”

“I know. So, what’s on your mind.”

Jonny gives Pat a questioning look.

“Well, if you still know how to play video games, and you’re not trying to let me win, there’s got to be another reason why you’re not paying attention today.”

Jonny swallow some beer to cover the fact that he’s totally freaking out. There are so many reasons he’s not paying attention to video games today. None of which, does he want to tell Patrick.

“Come on man. You can tell me anything. We’ve been over this. I don’t know what it is that you’re so scared to tell me, but you can tell me.”

Jonny shakes his head. “It’s no big deal.”

Patrick chuckles. “You’re an awful liar, man. You always have been.”

Jonny laughs to himself, because how wrong is that? 

“Please, Jonny,” Patrick begs. He’s joking. Jonny can see it. It gets Jonny to laugh and punch Pat in the shoulder lightly. Patrick cracks up to, and soon they’re just laughing and falling into each other on the couch. “But, really Jon,” Patrick says, sitting up. “You can tell me, whatever it is.”

Jonny shakes his head. “It’s really nothing man.”

Patrick stares at Jonny for another minute before shaking his head and standing up. He brings both boxes of pizza into the living room. He changes the TV from video games to an afternoon game. He lounges back, shoulder touching Jonny’s. Jonny has to force himself to sit up and grab a piece of pizza without thinking about the casual touches between him and Pat. He hopes it means what he thinks it means, but he can’t be sure. He’s not sure he’ll ever be sure. 

It’s a special kind of torcher to sit barely touching. He hates it. Not only does he want to lean into the touch, but he wants to tell Patrick about his feelings. But, if he’s reading too much into it, and he’s wrong about Patrick, this becomes awkward and that’s not something he could really deal with now. He doesn’t want to be rejected. He knows that he still might be, if he waits, but he’s got to at least come out to the whole team before he goes down that path. 

“So, what are you going to do now that you don’t have Amanda?” Jonny asks after working up the courage to actually ask.

Patrick shrugs. “Probably hook up a bit, explore my options you know? Haven’t been single in a while. Not like you’d know,” he jokes, pushing Jonny’s shoulder.

Jonny smiles and hides by taking another swig of beer. “Just don’t go crazy again,” Jonny jokes back.

Pat scoffs. “Like I’d want to relive that.”

Jonny rolls his eyes and sips at his beer. 

“What about you and Lindsey?”

Jonny shrugs. “What about it?” This is a topic he very sorely wants to avoid, but it seems like they just keep coming back to it. 

“Just didn’t know if you were getting to propose or whatever.”

Jonny doesn’t understand the look on Pat’s face right now. It’s complicated in a way Pat is never complicated. “Nah. I don’t really know man. That seems… that seems like a big step.”

“Well, you’ve been together a while,” Pat says. It’s sort of quiet. Jonny doesn’t exactly have to strain to here, but if they weren’t in the middle of a conversation, he’d might have thought Patrick was talking to himself. 

“Yeah, but I don’t know, Pat. That’s just… a lot.” It’s a lot more than he even wants to think about with everything else. There’s so much and that’s not something he can think about, mostly because it’s out of the question anymore. 

Pat sighs and doesn’t push. 

“I gotta get back,” Jonny says. He can tell when he’s not wanted anymore.

Pat nods. “See ya at skate tomorrow,” he says without looking away from the TV.

Jonny sighs and leaves. That’s not how he expected the day to go. The drive back to his house is a little sad. He knows Lindsey is still going to be packing when he gets back. He’s right. She’s in their bedroom. 

“Back so soon?” she asks.

Jonny shrugs. “Pat needed some space.”

“So you told him?” Lindsey straightens from where she was shoving a shirt into a suitcase. 

Jonny shakes his head.

“Well, I still think you should’ve.” She goes back to putting the shirt away.

“I’m going to work out.”

She nods her acknowledgement. He changes in the bathroom, conscience of his body in front of her for the first time in four years. He grabs a Gatorade from the fridge and goes to his workout room in the basement. He spends too much time on the treadmill and puts too much weight on the bar for how many reps he does. He shouldn’t even be doing free weights without a spot, but he needs to burn this energy, this anxiousness he’s feeling, away. 

Jonny’s chugging his bottle of Gatorade when his phone starts ringing. Brisson’s name pops up on the screen. “We got a meeting?” Jonny asks instantly.

“Yes. Hello, Jon. I’m great. Thanks for asking,” Brisson mumbles.

“When is it?” Jonny asks, without acknowledging the narration.

“Today. In an hour. Can you be ready? Are you still at Kane’s?”

“No. I’m home. I can be there.”

“Great, I’ll see you then.”

Jonny finishes his Gatorade. Lindsey has moved onto packing books from the main room.

“Good workout?”

Jonny nods. “I have a meeting with management in an hour.”

“About…?”

Jonny nods.

Lindsey smiles softly and places a gentle hand on his arm. “Good luck.”

“Thank you. Truly. For everything.”

“Of course, Jonny. I know it’s hard. I know you’ll be fine though.”

Jonny chuckles. “Thanks. Really.”

Lindsey nods. “Now, get in the shower, otherwise you’re going to be late.”

Jonny rushes through the shower. He towels off his hair, shaking as much water out as he can. He dresses in his nicest jeans and a sweater. January in Chicago is always cold. He dons a coat and pulls a torque over his ears. He waves to Lindsey and grabs his keys on the way out. 

 

The traffics isn’t as bad as it could be, so he shows up to the UC about fifteen minutes early. He sits outside of Stan’s office, texting Sharpy, the other guy on his team he told when he started as a rookie. 

Jon: Talking to management today

Shapry: About the thing?

Jon: Yeah

Sharpy: Good luck

Sharpy: Did you tell Pat yet?

Jon: No, he’s gonna find out with everyone else

Sharrpy: Really Jon? Don’t you think he deserves a heads up?

Jon: Why? He’s no different from the rest of my teammates.

Shapry: Oh yes he is, son. And you know it.

Jon: Not anymore man.

Sharpy: How do you know?

That’s when Stan comes out of his office, smiling at Jon. “Great to see you, son. I heard there was some drama getting you home.

Jonny chuckles. “Yes, sir, but all’s good.”

“Good to hear. Why don’t you come in and tell us all what this meeting is about?”

Inside Stan’s office, is Q, Brisson, and Meghan. No more people than absolutely necessary, it seems. He sits in a chair next to Brisson, facing the rest of the staff that’s been gathered.

“So,” Stan begins, “all we know is Brisson said it’s very important we make a meeting with you today because there’s something you need to discuss with us, Jon. So, why don’t you start?”

Jonny takes a breath, looking at Brisson before starting. “I’m gay. And I want to come out to the team.”

The room is quiet for a moment.

“Okay,” Stan says slowly, breaking the silence. “And, you figured you tell us, now?”

Jonny swallows. “I haven’t exactly been comfortable with the idea of being out to anyone. Lindsey didn’t even know. I had to break it to her this morning.”

“Why so fast?” Meghan asks.

“I feel ready, and I don’t want to hide anymore.”

“But, would you mind holding off on telling the team until we can get things in order, to deal with press, and social media, ect?”

Jonny knows that time is always an issue in managing teams, and the more time the better, but this is something he has to do. “No. I’m sorry. I’m telling them at practice tomorrow. I know this is hard, but right now, I don’t feel like I can keep it a secret. I know it would be easier for you to wait, but it won’t be easier for me. It’s not easy for me to do this, and I feel like if I don’t, I’m not going to be able to do it again. I know that’s probably not true, but it’s what I’ve got in my head.” Jonny looks down at his hands twisting them, trying to find something to focus on other than the faces of the people in front of him. 

He hears Stan sigh. “Alright Jon. We’ll make sure everything is set. No press in the locker room tomorrow after practice. None at all. I don’t want a stay shocked face making it onto any video. I assuming, this is to be kept private, Jon, yes?”

Jon nods. “I don’t need nor want that kind of publicity.”

Stan nods. “Great. I think we all know what we need to do.” Stan smiles softly at Brisson and Jon. “If you don’t mind, could I talk to the two of you in private?”

Jonny nods, checking with Brisson as he does. Meghan and Q leave the room. Q squeezes Jon’s shoulder as he walks out. 

“I’m very proud of you, son,” Stan says, as soon as the door closes.”

Jonny gives a small smile. “Thanks, sir.”

“I want you to know that the entire organization supports you as much now as they did yesterday. Understand?”

Jonny nods. “Thank you. Really.”

“Anything to make this easier on you, son. I know it’s difficult. I’m sure the guys will support you as well.”

Jonny nods. “I finally feel comfortable with myself. I can’t believe it took this long, even though I first thought I’d never get here.”

Stan smiles. “Well, I’m happy for you. Good luck tomorrow.”

“Thank you, sir.”

Brisson and Jonny leave together, in silence. 

“How ya doing, bud?” Brisson asks, as they head out to their cars.

Jonny nods. “I’m good. Less shaken than I thought I’d be coming out of that.”

“Did you really think they weren’t going to support you?”

Jonny shrugs. “I didn’t know what to expect.”

“Well, I’m glad this was easy. I’m sure tomorrow will go just as smoothly.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, man,” Jonny says smiling. He feels good. Better than he’s felt in a really long time. He’s still having trouble discerning dream from reality still, but even without considering how horrendous he felt for that entire dream, he still hasn’t felt quite himself for a long time. Years, probably, he thinks as he gets into his car. It’s probably been years. Probably since Lindsey. When he decided that he was going to be with her for the rest of his life. That’s got to be when he started feeling like he was always at a loss, like he couldn’t do or give any more than he already had. Now, he feels on top of the world. He feels like he can do anything. And, after tomorrow, he’s positive it’s just going to get better. He’s honestly a little scared he’s going to do something very stupid, like pick up publicly, or say something to the press about his sexuality because he feels so good.

Lindsey is gone when he gets home. He has a text on his phone that tells him which friend she’s staying with, good luck, and do well. He smiles lightly at it. After he comes out tomorrow, he’s going to make the next priority getting an apartment and getting rid of this place. It’s way too big for just him, now that is actually just him. Lindsey is really gone. It’s kind of shocking. He knew it was coming. She’s been packing all day. He’s been dealing with this gay thing. It’s all been moving really quickly though. He told her this morning. Now, she’s gone. He told Brisson this morning. Now, he’s talked to management. He’s going to tell the guys tomorrow. It’s a scary thought really, how quickly everything has progressed, but it feels right. It feels like things are happening the way they’re supposed to. It helps to settle the nagging feeling in Jonny’s gut about Patrick. That’s the scariest part, is how Patrick will react. Jonny kind of blames Patrick for this whole thing. If it weren’t for him in Jonny’s stupid dream, he may not have come to terms with himself. He has to keep thinking about this as a good thing though, because that’s what it is. He gets to be himself. He doesn’t have to hide. And, maybe, just maybe, he and Patrick can be more than teammates, more than friends. 

He doesn’t sleep horribly, but he doesn’t sleep great. He tosses a little too much in his sleep for it to be considered restful. He dresses for practice while his protein shake is mixing. He drinks the shake on the way to the rink, trying to focus on practice and not what comes after. Things seem normal and good. There’s a slight difference with media being before practice instead of after. It must’ve been impossible to get them out completely, Jonny thinks. No one seems particularly concerned by it. 

Patrick doesn’t look at Jonny. Jonny doesn’t know if it’s because of the media, or because of yesterday. Jonny’s dumb mind chooses yesterday, and dwells on what went down at Patrick’s apartment. He catches Seabs eye from across the room, and immediately blushes. He hates how Seabs can read him better than anyone else, even better than Patrick. 

Practice is good. Everyone is doing really well. Jonny makes it a point within his own head to pay attention to everyone, to himself. He’s here for hockey. He doesn’t have to work himself up. They’ll be supportive, so they’ll still need him to be their captain. He can’t be their captain if he isn’t paying attention to their play, in favor for something perspectively small. 

He sidles up to Temi. “You’ll get better results on your shot if you lift it a little. The pads are always on the ground.”

Artemi grumbles. “I know this. No need tell me.”

“Are you mad at me? Why are you mad at me?” Jonny asks.

Artemi just makes a face. 

“Patrick! Call off your dog, will ya?” Jonny calls, jokingly down the ice. 

He comes skating towards them. “What is it?” Patrick asks.

“Just tell Artemi he doesn’t need to be angry with me, for whatever reason it is.”

Patrick scowls at Jonny before saying something to Artemi in Russian. Jonny’s a little baffled because he hadn’t realized Patrick had gotten so good at the language. 

“What did you say?” Jonny asks.

“I told him to pounce if you get to close,” Pat snaps. 

“Jesus, what did I do to piss both of you off?”

They are saved from answer by Q’s whistle. They huddle up with the rest of the guys, Artemi and Patrick making a half circle around the guys before coming to a stop to stay clear of Jonny. He tries not to take it personally, because now that practice is over, he’s got something more important to attend to. 

They break when Q is done talking, screaming Blackhawks, before straggling off the ice. Jonny is one of the first off, which is uncommon, following Hartzy and Duncs off. He’s got his shoulder pads and practice jersey, by the time the rest of the team has filtered in, ready to hear the captain’s be better speech. 

“We’re looking good. It’s been a little rough going lately, but from what I’ve seen today, I believe we can pick up the slack from the past few weeks and make up for it in this push before the All-Star break.”

The room cheers a little. 

“Now, I have a bit of an announcement.” He moves his hands from his hips, to crossed in front of his chest. He takes a deep breath looking around at all the confused faces. “I’m gay.” He lets it sink in before he continues, purposely avoiding looking at Patrick. “I’ve known for years. I didn’t know how to tell people. When I met Lindsey, I guess I thought it was a way out, a way to avoid dealing with it. I didn’t ever think I’d be okay with who I was. I never thought I was going to get to this point. I don’t really know what it was that I suddenly felt like I could tell you, that I could be okay with who I am.” He scans the faces that he’s known as his team. They looked, surprised, some still confused, several are smiling, Seabs included. Patrick, Patrick isn’t looking at him. He’s looking at his hands, twiddling his thumbs. Jonny tries to not take it as a stab to the heart. “I want you guys to know that nothing changes. I’m still you captain. I’m still committed to this team. I want nothing more than to win another cup with this room of guys. All I ask is that you respect that, and respect me.”

“Like we’d do anything less,” Duncs says smiling. 

“You’re our captain, and nothing will change that for me,” Crow says. 

“We support you, captain,” Darling says smiling. 

Everyone is smiling now, happy and joking. 

“Thank you guys.”

They cheer. Several give him sweaty hockey hugs before moving on to get changed. Artemi comes up to Jonny and wraps him in a huge hug. “So proud. Good captian. I support.”

“Thanks buddy,” Jonny whispers. Over Artemi’s shoulder, Jonny can see Patrick getting undressed, avoiding looking at Jonny. Now, that he’s done talking, Jonny feels the weight of Patrick’s rejection more heavily. It’s a dark cloud, in his otherwise cloudless sky. It’s a storm cloud looming as he admires the view from the top of a peak. 

Fuck, he has to get out before he does something embarrassing. He strips quickly and makes it to the showers before Pat. He’s out of the locker room before anyone else, heart racing in his chest. 

Why did he think this was a good idea? Fuck. Patrick is never going to talk to him again now. He can barely hold himself together as he drives home. The house is empty, barren. He hates it. He hates every square foot of it. He hates how it holds memories of the person he thought he was going to spend his life with. He hates how easy it is for his mind to replace her with Patrick. He hates how that’s all he wants in the world is Patrick. 

He fucks around in the kitchen, trying to figure out how to make lunch before he gives up and goes out to one of his organic places. He’s still thinking about Patrick as they go into the game. He goes through all his pregame routines, trying not to need Patrick, trying not think about him, or glance at him in the locker room.

It’s hard and takes all his focus, but he manages. Warm up goes smoothly. Jonny still shouts things at everyone. He catches Artemi and Patrick arguing about something in Russian. He rolls his eyes and shoots the puck that’s on his tape. Somehow they pull out a win. It feels good walking into the locker room, knowing they started the home stand strong. But, Patrick is still avoiding him, so he begs off going out with the guys. It’s Seabs that gets the guys off his back. 

The rest of the week is horrible. Patrick still won’t talk to him, even look at him. He’s constantly arguing with someone, more often than not it’s Artemi. And, generally when it’s Artemi, it’s in Russian, so Jonny doesn’t even know what they’re arguing about. They lose to Tampa Bay, then Winnipeg. Jonny does media, like he’s supposed to, but his gaze keeps drifting over to Patrick. He hates that he does that. He shouldn’t be. He should be avoiding Patrick as much as he’s avoiding Jonny, but he can’t. And he hates himself for it. 

When the media disappears, Patrick glances up, and it’s the first time they’ve made eye contact in days. Jonny doesn’t know how desperate he looks, so he quickly looks away and finishes undressing. The showers are quiet, as everyone dwells on the past two games. Jonny stays until everyone has left the showers. Even then, he doesn’t turn off the water for some time. 

When he finally wanders back into the locker room, it’s empty except for a fully dressed Artemi sitting in his stall.

“Hey, Tem, what’s up?” Jonny calls.

Artemi looks up at the sound of his voice. He’d been looking at something on his phone. “Tazer! You must help!”

“What is it bud?” Jonny turns his back to his to get into a pair of sweats he’s got stored in his gear bag.

“Pat sad. No talk to you.”

Jonny nods. “I know, Tem.”

“He thinks you no like him,” Artemi says with a wrinkle in his brow.

“Bud,” Jonny says turning toward Artemi, “I like Pat plenty. He just doesn’t feel comfortable around me anymore.” Jonny shrugs and keeps a calm face, even though this whole conversation is hurting his heart.

“No! No!” Artemi protests. “He thinks you no like him.”

Jonny chuckles, as best he can with the lump in his throat. “Artemi, that’s ridiculous. Why would Patrick get that idea?”

Artemi shrugs. “Say you no make move, so you no like. He get very upset and sometimes does no make sense in Russian.”

Jonny chuckles. Patrick never makes sense when he’s speaking Russian. “Wait. What do you mean I don’t make a move?”

Artemi shrugs. “That just what he said, and something about video games and his home.”

Jonny’s eyes go wide. That can’t mean what he thinks it means. He wants so badly for it too, but there’s just no way, right? But, maybe that’s what got him here in the first place. The things he wanted that he thought Patrick didn’t. Maybe he was wrong. He hopes he was. “Did he go home?”

Artemi nods solemnly, his eyes wide. He looks too much like young Patrick right now. “You go fix?” 

Jonny nods. “I’m going to try. Thanks bud,” Jonny says, ruffling his hair. He pulls on a t-shirt and darts out of the UC. The drive to Trump Tower is a lot quicker than the drive to his barren house. He’s looking at the key Patrick gave him so long ago. He didn’t know why Patrick gave it to him at the time, but now he thinks he does. Who do you give a key to you place too? Family or romantic partners. Jonny what’s to hit himself. He couldn’t have been this blind, could he? There’s a part of him says wants him to have been that blind. There’s another part of him that says he’s being an idiot, of course he’s not that blind and none of this is what he’s thinking. He’s overanalyzing and he should just go home. But, the elevator doors open on Pat’s level, and Jonny can’t stop himself as he walks to the door. He hesitates for a moment, before he turns the key and slowly opens the door.

Pat’s apartment is a wreck. His gear bag is in the opening. Shoes are strewn about the floor. Coats are hanging limply or piled on the floor as well. As he walks further in, he sees it doesn’t end there. There are take-out containers and pizza boxes everywhere. Empty beer bottles as well as pretty much every other type of alcohol are everywhere. It’s like Jonny can’t take a step without kicking one. 

He finally finds Patrick in the living room, watching some shitty Twilight movie. He’s got a large bottle of vodka in his hand that he occasionally takes a sip from and a huge bowl of popcorn in front of him. There are empty movie theater candy boxes on the couch all around Pat.

“Holy shit, Pat. What happened?” Jonny asks.

Patrick whips around, vodka sloshing onto his lap with the angle he’s got the bottle. “Wha are you doing here?” Pat slurs.

“How drunk are you?” Jonny says, moving closer to the couch.

Pat shrugs, but it throws him off balance and he loses more vodka. “If you’re here ‘cause Tyoma said I was wal… wall… drow--- drowing? In self pity, you can jus go!” It really ridiculous how drunk Pat is. 

“We need to get you to bed.” Jonny can’t think about anything other than how wasted Pat is and how much he’s going to hate himself in the morning. He rounds the couch and takes the bottle of vodka from Pat’s hand, despite his drunken protests. “Come on. Bed.” He hauls Pat up. He basically just carries Pat to his bedroom. Pat doesn’t have any kind of coordination left. Jonny drops Pat on his bed, confident he can’t stand up on his own and goes to get him a glass of water and some Advil. He doesn’t think it’ll help with the hangover at all, but he figures he should at least try. 

Pat’s managed to sit up by the Jonny gets back, but he’s slumped and yawning. “Here.” Jonny helps Patrick down the pills. He pulls Pat’s shirt of and gets him situated in bed.

“So chivalrous of you, Jon,” Pat slurs. It sounds like it’s supposed to have some heat behind it, but Pat can’t figure out how to make his mouth work properly.

“Get some sleep. You’ll feel better in the morning.” Pat is already drifting off when Jonny turns off the light and closes the door. The apartment is a mess. Jonny doesn’t want Pat to have to wake up to this in the morning. He doesn’t even want to know how long all this stuff has been piling up. The first thing he does is turn off the movie. Then, he grabs a few trash bags and goes around collecting all the trash. He gets all the recyclables into another bin and takes it all out. He scrubs the counters and gets Pat’s gear and shoes put away. The fridge is completely empty other than bottles of alcohol. Jonny sighs. That explains the strenuous amount of take-out. He sighs, looking around the apartment. It’s finally in some semblance of order. Jonny goes back to his own, barren house for the night. He’ll be back tomorrow though. He knows he will.

When he wakes up, there’s nothing from Pat. Jonny assumes he’s still asleep and goes to the store. He buys what he needs to make plenty of breakfast: bacon, eggs, cheese, butter, sausage, vegetables, orange juice, oranges, grapes, bread, and of course, Gatorade, in his and Pat’s favorite flavors. 

The apartment is quiet, when he arrives. He takes a few trips to get all the groceries up, but Pat is, thankfully still sleeping when he’s gotten them all up. He’s got nothing left to do than start cooking. He puts the bacon in, knowing that to cook it right, it need to be on low for about a half an hour in the oven. After that, he gets some scrambled eggs going. He cuts the vegetables for his omelet, and starts cooking that as well. He puts cheese in both the scrambled eggs and his omelet. He cooks the sausage on yet another pan on the stove.

He hears Pat get up and vomit in the bathroom. He sighs, but puts the toast in. He gets all the food set up. Patrick’s plate has bacon, sausage, cheesy scrambled eggs, toast, and an orange. He’s got his omelet, some bacon and sausage, some grapes, and a piece of toast. He pours two glasses of orange juice and puts them down with a bottle of Gatorade for each other them. 

Patrick comes out of his bedroom in a pair of sweats, moaning and scratching his head. He pauses when he sees the new, clean state of his apartment. Jonny watches him as he comes to some realization. He looks up slowly, wide eyes landing on Jonny. “Were… you here… last night?” Pat asks slowly. His voice sounds fucked up, like he’s been crying or more than just alcohol induced sickness.

Jonny nods. “Did you think your apartment cleaned itself?” He cracks a grin, hoping that Pat loses the deer-in-the-headlights look. 

“You cleaned for me?” Pat asks, voice cracking a bit.

Jonny nods. “Come eat. You’ll feel better with some food in your stomach.”

It’s like Jonny had to prompt him to see the food. His jaw in on the ground, eye bugging out of his head. “You made this for me?”

“Yeah, buddy, now come eat.” Jonny sits down and starts eating himself. It takes a few more seconds for Pat to join him, but he does eventually, which Jonny counts as a win. 

“Where’d you get all this food?” Pat asks, mouth full of eggs.

“The store, Pat. Where everyone gets their food,” Jonny jokes. 

“But, but, why?” Pat asks.

“Because your fridge was empty and you definitely needed to eat something besides take-out.” Jonny looks at Pat with concern. It’s seems like Pat is terrified, confused, and sad all at once, and Jonny hates it. He wants to take it all always, like he has forever. 

Pat leans over his plate and puts his head in his hands.

“Pat, what it is?” Jonny asks softly. 

“Artemi told you, didn’t he?” Pat asks back. 

“What he told me was confusing, Pat. I’m a little concerned for you, bud. Please, tell me what’s up.”

Pat sighs and shakes his head. 

“Pat please.”

“You wouldn’t tell me what was up a week ago. I’m not telling you now.”

“Okay, you want me to tell you what I was thinking about that day, fine. I was thinking about coming out the next day at practice. I was scared how the guys were going to take it. I was scared how you were going to take it, Pat.”

“Me?” Pat squeaks.

“Yes, of course you. Because not only are you my best friend, but you’re the person I’ve been falling over myself for, for years. I was scared you would never want me the way I want you. I finally gave up and got with Lindsey. You know the rest of the story because I told the whole team. So…” Jonny shrugs, not knowing what else to say. 

He sees Patrick take a shuttering breath. “You… you mean that?”

Jonny scoffs. “Of course. Every word. You think I would say that and not mean it?”

Patrick’s breath stutters. “I… I didn’t know…” 

“Hey, hey calm down. It’s going to be okay.” Jonny reaches across the table a covers Pat’s hand with his own. 

“You can’t… you don’t… Jonny…” Jonny can see Patrick struggle to get enough air in. 

“Hey, Pat, breathe. It’s okay.”

Pat looks at Jonny’s hand, then up at Jonny’s face with wide eyes. “You really… like me? Like, you’d date me?”

Jonny chuckles. “Yeah, Pat. I really, really would.”

Pat stares at him for a moment before breaking out into a huge grin. “I thought… I thought the fact that you didn’t tell me before the team, meant you didn’t want anything to happen between us. I thought, you just wanted to stay friends or some shit like that, when I’ve been trying to get your attention for years!”

“Really?”

“Yes, you idiot!” Patrick exclaims laughing. Then he groans and holds his head. “It took me forever to get over you and Lindsey getting together. I got drunk at Sharpy’s more often than I care to admit. He finally told me to suck it up and get over it. That’s when I started dating Amanda.”

“Seriously?” Now, it’s Jonny’s turn to be baffled. He’d been so consumed with hiding who he was, he’d been completely oblivious to Patrick coming on to him. How had he managed to be this blind to it all his life.

 

Patrick giggles, then pulls Jonny into a kiss. It’s the most mind-blowing kiss Jonny’s ever had. Patrick’s lips move so smoothly against his. His hand curls perfectly around the back of Jonny’s neck. Patrick pulls away blushing. Jonny can barely form a coherent thought.

“Is that… okay?” Pat asks.

“Fuck, yes of course it’s okay. But, uh, we should probably finish breakfast. You were so drunk last night and…” Jonny trails off.

“Oh man, I can’t believe you saw me like that,” Pat groans. 

Jonny chuckles. “Dude, it was fine. I’ve seen you like that before.”

“Yeah, but my apartment. Fuck, please tell me you didn’t see how much pizza I ate.”

“I put all seven boxes in the trash, Patrick,” Jonny says with a joking scold.

“Oh fuck you.”

“I don’t even want to know how much you cheated your diet this past week.”

Patrick shakes his head. “I’m not even sure I know, man.”

They finish their breakfasts quickly, unable to stop smiling at one another. 

“Come on,” Pat says, pulling on Jonny’s wrist as soon as he’s put the dishes in the sink.

“But, the dishes Pat.”

“They can wait.” Pat pulls Jonny is close, sidling their hips together. “Don’t you want this?”

Jonny groans. “Fuck. Yes. You know I do.”

Patrick’s hands curl gently around Jonny’s neck. Jonny closes the distance between them, kissing Pat softly. He loves the feeling of Pat’s chapped lips under his. He loves the small whimpers that escapes him as Jonny squeezes his ass gently. 

“Fuck, Jonny,” Patrick breathes into his mouth. 

“Bedroom?” Jonny suggests.

Patrick nods, and pulls Jonny back. They stumble over stuff that’s piled up in the bedroom, because despite Patrick’s drunken slumber, Jonny didn’t want to risk waking him by cleaning his bedroom the night before. 

Jonny sits down on the bed, cradling Patrick’s ass as he sits down in his lap. Patrick moves as close as he can, grinding down on Jonny through their jeans.

“Fuck,” Jonny moans, tipping his head back. 

Patrick’s lips attach to the side of his neck and nibble a little before soothing his tongue over it. He digs his fingers into Jonny’s short hair and tips his head back to kiss him deeply. Jonny moans into it, digging his finger into Pat’s ass. As they kiss, Jonny gets his hands up Patrick’s shirt, feeling the strong back muscles from years of work.

“We need less clothes right now.” Thankfully, Pat is completely down with that idea. He sheds his shirt, and gets his hands under Jonny’s as Jonny takes his own off. Pat sits back on Jonny’s lap. “Like what you see?” Jonny says smirking. 

Pat nods. “You have no idea how hard it was not to look at you in the locker room. Sharpy always caught me staring.”

“Trust me, I know,” Jonny responds just before kissing Pat again. He loves kissing Pat. He’s pretty sure he never wants to stop. His cock is straining is jeans now, and it’s getting painful. He moves his hands from Pat’s chest to his fly. Pat reaches down to help me, panting just as hard as Jonny is. It isn’t a neat process, stripping down to their boxers. It’s clumsy and uncoordinated, but both pairs of pants come off eventually, and Jonny gets Pat on his back. “How do you want to do this?” he asks hesitantly. His eyes linger on the buldge in Pat’s briefs probably a little too long.

Pat moans. “No more teasing. Just fuck me already.”

Jonny doesn’t need any more encouragement. He’s been waiting for this too long already. He strips his briefs off, cock slapping against his stomach, leaving a trail of precome. He manages to wriggle Pat’s off him as well. Pat’s cock snaps up against his abs as well, and Jonny can’t help but stare. It’s a nice size, just long enough, just wide enough and cut. The head is bright red and dripping with precome. Jonny can’t help but think he wants to get his mouth around it. 

A tap on his arm brings his eyes to Pat’s, who is smirking and holding a bottle of lube. “You’re not so bad yourself,” he says. 

Jonny smiles and goes to prep Pat. His asshole is just as beautiful as his cock. It’s pretty and pink, puckering just for him. “Have you… have you done this before?” Jonny asks.

“Had fingers up my ass or been fucked by aa guy?” Pat asks.

Jonny makes a face at his wording, which Pat just cracks up at. 

“You’re my first, dude. I got a few girls to finger me before, but not much really.” It’s that that gets Pat blushing. Not the kissing, not the dirty talk, not the questions, but that. 

Jonny smiles. “I like that.” It does mean more prep work, which Jonny is definitely not opposed to. He takes the lube and gets some on one finger. He presses gently at Pat’s hole. Pat whines and tenses. Jonny rubs a soothing hand down his thigh. “This might be easier with you on your knees,” he suggests gently.

Pat shakes his head. “I wanna see you.”

Jonny swallows at the implications of that. He turns back to Pat’s ass and presses in. Pat shudders with a sigh, but relaxes enough for Jonny to get into his first knuckle. It takes a moment, but Pat sighs and loosens even more. Jonny sinks his finger a little deeper. “How’s that feel?”

“Incredible,” Pat breathes. Jonny is in awe at the look on Pat’s face. It just makes him want to make Pat feel even better. He grips Pat’s ass cheek gentle to pull his hole open a little. He sinks his finger all the way in, loving the way Pat’s face lights up, just before he screws his eyes shut.

Jonny waits a beat before he starts to pull his finger out slowly. Pat whines and tenses. Jonny chuckles a bit before pushing his finger back in. He starts a push and pull, dragging his finger inside Pat. He drags Pat right into a moaning mess. He carefully slides his finger out, watching the lube drip out of Pat’s still clenching hole. 

He lubes up a second finger, adding lube to the first as well. He presses against Pat’s hole, knowing there will be much more resistance this time. Pat shifts as Jonny presses in gently, trying to make it as comfortable as possible for Pat. He goes slowly but doesn’t stop until he gets his fingers all the way inside Pat. He lets Pat adjust, watching his face before he crooks his fingers, catching Pat’s prostate. Pat’s mouth drops open and his eyes widen in awe. 

“Like that?” Jonny asks.

“Fuck do that again,” Pat gasps. 

Jonny grins and crooks his fingers again. Pat gasps and arches his back. Jonny starts to work his fingers in and out, really getting the lube in there, because as much as he likes to take Patrick to the edge, he’d rather be inside Pat right now. 

“One more?” he asks.

Pat hesitates before nodding.

“Trust me babe, I want it too.”

Pat cracks a smile. “Babe,” he mocks. 

Jonny rolls his eyes and pulls his fingers out, probably too fast, because Pat gasps and curls in a little. Jonny smirks. Payback. 

He lubes up a third fingers letting it squelch a little before pressing against Pat’s hole that’s still dripping a little lube from before. Pat’s ass clenches and unclenches before Jonny presses in. The sound that comes out of Pat’s mouth isn’t human; it’s guttural and primal as Jonny pushes in as far as he can against the resistance. He works Pat carefully and gently. He finally feels lose enough for Jonny to get inside. 

“Condom?” he asks, looking around the bed.

“I’m clean if you are,” Pat pants into his arm which he’s thrown over his head. 

“Are you sure?” Jonny asks, caressing Pat’s cheek.

“More sure than hockey.”

Well then. Jonny lubes up, staring at the sight of Pat’s flushes chest, dribbled with precome. Pat’s got one hand (the one over his head) clenched in sheets. The other is gripping his cock. The head is practically purple with how dark it is. Jonny can feel his sack tighten, and fuck he needs to get in Pat now. He lines up carefully. Taking a deep breath, he slides just the head in. Fuck it’s hot and tight, and he feels like he’s about to blow like a teenager. Pat looks about in the same place. His cheeks are flushed bright red and he’s stripping his cock so fast, Jonny can barely see his hand. 

“More,” Pat moans, with the most wrecked voice Jonny’s ever heard. He presses in farther and all he feels is the heat. He just wants to keep going because fuck it feels good, but even more than that he doesn’t want to hurt Pat. But, by the look on Pat’s face, he’s not in any pain. Jonny pushes in further. He gets completely in just before Pat shoots off. He stripes his chest with milky come. He clenches tight around Jonny cock as he does and fuck Jonny’s right there with him. 

They’re panting like they’ve been double shifting all night. Patrick wraps his arms around Jonny and pulls him down to him. Jonny closes his eyes and just breathes and Pat plays with the hair at the nape of his neck. He turns his head and kisses the corner of Pat’s mouth, and nothing’s made him happier. 

 

They kiss in the locker room just to stun everyone. It’s a really good feeling. And when Seabs smiles at Jonny, he can’t help but remember the dream and how much of little Pat is still in big Pat. They’re the same person. The person he fell in love with at thirteen.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! Comments are very much appreciated! I'm on Tumblr [here](http://hockeymylovemylife.tumblr.com/)


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